Dean and Coyote's Ultimate To Do List
by silver ruffian
Summary: Coyote and Dean are making a list. That's never a good thing. This is pure crack, a one shot. Do I really need to remind you that I have no shame?


_**A/N:**_ Got up this morning writing _Black Horse, Unaware, and Coyote's Tale_, and this damn plot bunny crept in somehow and started gnawing at my ankles. I caved really fast, and now I'm posting this in the hopes that the little bastard will leave me alone so I can get the others done. Rabbits aren't cute. Not really. They have _teeth_.

_**Summary:**_ Coyote and Dean are making a list. That's never a good thing. This is pure crack, a one shot. Do I really need to remind you that I have no shame?

_**Disclaimer:**_ This is for entertainment purposes only, and not for profit.

I wanted to name this_ The Ultimate To-Do List of A Trickster God and His Pup_ but the site thinks that title's too long. Hmph!

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**_Dean and Coyote's Ultimate To-Do List_**

**_*********************************************_**

"Alec Baldwin. Huh. That's how _we_ roll, sucker. Tentacles. Hate those damn things."

"Told ya there were more aliens around than Superman, kid."

"Seth Green? Aw, I like _Robot Chicken_. He hasn't killed anybody."

"That we know of. Rumor was when he was on_ Buffy_ he didn't need make-up to play that werewolf. Okay, we'll give him a warning and keep an eye on him. Maybe that'll be enough."

"Paris Hilton?"

"Don't roll your eyes at me, niño."

"Michael Jackson. Hey, _you_ just rolled _your_ eyes. Thought some of these folks owed you, Roamer."

"They do, but not these. Gotta keep that balance going."

"There's…there's really a balance? I always thought it was nothing but random evil that comes outta nowhere and rips you to shreds."

"You back ranting about angels again? I told you before, we are not going after Castiel and Uriel again. Besides they're not even from around here. Okay. Wall Street."

"Told you I'm in for that one. Hey Bernie, does your wife wanna claim this can of whump ass I got for ya?"

"Geez, you're a bitch in the morning before you have your coffee, aren't ya, princess?"

"I need my caffeine."

"So drink your caffeine."

"And what the hell are we doin' up this early anyway? What's Jared Padalecki doing on the list?"

"_Friday the 13__th_ reboot. Do I need a reason other than that?"

"Well, yeah! He doesn't really wanna do the sequel. I think we should draw a line through his name."

"Okay."

"Tom Welling? _Smallville_?"

"Seven, almost eight years and he hasn't put the suit on yet?"

"Good point. Warning only. Remind me again, _why_ are we doin' this?"

"Because we can."

"Christian Bale? What the hell, dude?"

"Ooops."

"Old Man…"

"Heh. Bale's so much fun to play with."

"That was _you_, wasn't it? You impersonated that Shane Hurlbut dude, and then you went on the _Terminator Salvation_ set and walked through Bale's scene adjusting those friggin' lights."

"_No, don't just be sorry! Think for one f--king second! What the f--k are you doing? Are you professional or not?"_

"Will you stop with the damn impressions?"

"Okay, okay. Just don't come bawling to me like a bitch the next time you imitate Bruce Willis or Steve McQueen and Sam stares at you all fish-eyed."

"Sam's clueless. All my imitations are top drawer stuff."

"Yeah, whatever. Okay. Bale's off the list. Love those rant remixes on YouTube. Next up is Genevieve Cortese."

"...."

"New Ruby."

"Oh, _hell yeah_. I am a vengeful and unforgiving god dude. Let there be no doubt about _that_."

"Well, we could just give her a warning."

"And why the _hell_ would we wanna do_ that_?"

"Down, boy. Next we got Jensen Ackles."

"Who?"

"_Supernatural_, for one. _My Bloody Valentine 3D_ for another."

"Oh_. Him._ Sam says dude looks just like me. I don't see it. Good flick, though. And why is _he_ on the list, O Wise and Wonderful Wild Dog of the Desert?"

"Uh, I owe some rabid fangirls a favor. Seems ol' Jenny Bean's too modest and he won't pose half naked like they want him to. They want candids. Nude candids."

"What? "

"Ermm…they want pictures. Of him. In the shower. Something about wet, freckled skin--"

"Pass."

"Those full lips of his parted slightly—"

"Pass!"

"Eyes closed as he turns his face up into the shower spray. Beads of water on those long eyelashes of his---"

"I said _pass_! You're enjoying this aren't you?"

"Yep! Oh, stop growlin'. I'll just magic up some fake stills. That oughta satisfy 'em."

"Damn well better. Geez."

"We gotta pay a visit to Warner Brothers Studio. Executive offices."

"What the hell for?"

"Five words: Megan Fox as Wonder Woman."

"Triple Yathzee!"

"Jeffrey Dean Morgan made the list? Kid, are you_ insane_?"

"Well, if he can be on _Grey's Anatomy_ again this season, why couldn't he be on _Supernatural_?"

"Point taken."

"Speaking of which, what's the deal between you and Kripke?"

"Huh? Why, whatever do you mean?"

"Drop the innocent act, fuzzy. You suck big time at it. This is _me_ you're talking to, remember? Two brothers on the road fighting evil, huh? The brothers Winchester. Wonder where Kripke got _that_ idea?"

"All right, all right! I used to date Dimples."

"Who?"

"His muse. _She Who Nearly Always Comes Up With The Good Stuff._ What? Don't look at me like that. That's one of her names. There, you happy now?"

"Date? When did you have time for _that_? Thought I had you walled up back in 2005?"

"...."

"Figures. Anyway, I still say that Morgan dude looks just like Dad."

"I don't see it. And stop pouting, boy. Your face is gonna freeze like that."

"I told you, I don't pout. I scowl. 'S more manly."

"Yeah. Right."

-30-

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Now I can go back to writing updates, so Phoebe, please put Bartlett down. I know you can hurl him with pinpoint accuracy. And I'm writing as fast as I can, Wendy. Everybody else, thanks for reading and waiting. I appreciate your kindness and patience.


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